Thursday, August 18, 2011

Pivotal Point of Life

Graphic 'borrowed' from—
a very funny (and honest in its own way) site

We dropped our freshman daughter off at University, and whereas I'm excited for her opportunities, I am devastated at the loss of her presence. As I've said before, a bond between daddy and daughter has never been stronger than ours . . . I'm sure many equal to, but none stronger than.

Spending a lot of time with her these past few weeks has been wonderful, but it also has made her absence all the more apparent, and feels like a punch in the gut. We've talked a number of times on the phone, but when I think she won't daily come tapping on my studio window to wave hi, or coerce me to watch a dopey dvd with her or give me the spontaneous hugs that she's been so . . . spontaneous with, or a thousand other joys. mm. I have to bite my lip to keep from blubbering.

Of course we'll see each other a lot, and she has a room here, but she really doesn't live here any more, and that thought just stings my eyes once again for the 1000th time.

The other day we went out to dinner, and I stupidly forgot to turn the car lights off (it had been raining on the way over). Well, the battery was dead when we came out and I felt horrible about my stupidity. We had to walk home, over 2 wet miles, partly along a highway, on a full stomach, without good walking shoes (who knew I was going to be so stupid?) and I was mentally despising my idiocy as we set out. My daughter was cheerful and unblaming as she got thorns in her sandals. She played 'I spy with my little eye' with me, tried to get me to play 20 questions, turned her iphone up loud to play music I liked, sang aloud with me, and held my hand as I was running out of energy (I haven't been feeling well lately). She is ALways this way.

I'm having troubles concentrating on my horribly complex deadlines, and I miss my daughter terribly. I've escaped the blogging addiction and the surfing addictions. It's going to be hard getting back to the old and the new blogs, but I will in due time. Please bear with me—I hope you'll keep checking back, because I appreciate your interest in all things pictorial. I just need time to adjust to a pivotal point of life.


Annie said...

Dear Thom,
Concentrate on daily life, good things, and the adjustment. Your close relationship will carry you through, and lots of phone calls and messages and visits, whenever possible. Everyone will be waiting and appreciative, when you have the time again, to blog. In the meantime, your archive is a rich and rewarding experience for new and old followers. Feel better, I hope, and thank you, for all of your wonderful posts.

Thomas Haller Buchanan said...

Annie, how lovely to have you say things like that. You are such a positive entity. Thank you.

I keep reminding myself that she is alive and well—and starting an adventurous new life, and then I can buckle down to my work again.

Anonymous said...

family always comes first--charlie

RahneFan said...

I'm years behind you but praying for you sir. It sounds very hard, and like something one can't prepare for.

Thomas Haller Buchanan said...

You are absolutely right—I had all these years and especially this last month to prepare, and a person might think, 'oh come on, it's just the natural order of things', but the tears have flowed hard for me (of course not in front of her), and perhaps that too is the natural order of things.

Sam G said...

Aw're making me well up. You know that dead battery thing wasn't so stupid...look at the wonderful memories you have of that day with your daughter.
Looking forward to more awesome blog posts. Stay strong.

Thomas Haller Buchanan said...

Yep. Wonderful memories, with many more to come here and there.

I'm just being a ninny, whining about this stuff. Thanx Sam.

Thomas Haller Buchanan said...

And charlie! I didn't mean to overlook your comment, which as always I'm grateful for! I'll line some stuff up soon that you'll appreciate.